No Two Babies Are The Same
I wrote this short paragraph when my son (my second baby) was five weeks old. I wanted to share it with you today along with some further insight I’ve gained since then:
“Today while out and about with Jasper, I realized that with both my babies, there was an initial period of us ‘getting to know each other.’ I can’t remember how long it took with Ella for things to ‘click.’ With Jasper, I feel, just today, that we’ve suddenly ‘clicked’ and I understand more about his personality and what he will and won’t tolerate and what he needs from me.”
I remember, before motherhood, thinking that all babies were the same. They all fed and pooped and slept and it was hard to see the individual within the baby. Until I had one of my own! I’ve realized since becoming a mother, and now since becoming a doula, that ALL babies have their own unique personalities, desires, and innate tendencies. I realized when my son was just over a month old, that this process of getting to know your baby is one of the best parts of parenthood, and so many of us skip over that joy because we are so fraught with anxiety and wondering if our baby is “normal” and like other babies.
It has since occurred to me that people whose first borns are twins, would have this greater insight from day one.They see right away that their two babies are totally different! Not only do they sleep and eat on their own schedules, but they interact with their environment and the people around them in distinct ways, often with contrasting quirks, facial expressions, and mannerisms. From day one. Parents whose first child is a single birth often don’t have the realization—“Oh- all babies are so different!”—until baby number two comes along.
As human beings, we are all different from day one. So why do we have the expectation that all babies are the same? There is a dialogue amidst baby books, mothers, grandmothers, and well-meaning strangers that there is a “single right way” to raise a baby, and that there is a single mold that all babies fit into. Truly, this myth should be debunked. The truth is that you need time to get to know your baby, learn what they need from you, and trust your instincts based on the baby you know better than anyone else.
Remember, just as all adults are unique, so is every baby. They can’t all be painted with the same brush. It takes time to get to know your baby, and that’s normal, and a part of the joy of parenthood.
